I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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