Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
