dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
