When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I stole a fireplace last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
