I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
