my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
