I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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