just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
