her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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