Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
