I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
