So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
vagina is talking i cant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
