your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
