How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
