we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
