He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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