I don't think brook has ever known best
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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