Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
