Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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