When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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