No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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