Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I want is dick and wine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
