A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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