Im at strip club and am horny
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
