I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
