This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
