Jerry, you need to find god
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
