STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
