Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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