i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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