Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
