He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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