This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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