I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
