He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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