Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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