I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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