I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
