bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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