He asked to "fluff my boner.."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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