my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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