I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
