Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
