in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
