i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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