Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
