I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
