You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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