I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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