THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
