these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
