wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
