I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He passed out mid-signature
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
