Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
